February is Happy Healthy Relationship Month
When you’re building relationships with others, everything looks a little bit rosier. New relationships bring possibilities, excitement, joy, a profound happiness, and potentially, lots of opportunity for new adventures and new dreams. When we are getting to know someone, it’s easy to recognize how we click with them and how we feel spending time with them. Being in relationship with others is one of the best feelings and yet can also be one of the most difficult things to navigate in life. Relationships are complicated and complex, they change as we grow and they adapt as we enter new stages of life, and often they can be sources of frustration, anger, and upset. However, bringing awareness to how we connect with others and the choices we make when we invest in each other and our relationships, is key to developing and maintaining healthy and happy relationships that stand the test of time.
This month, let’s take the opportunity to dive a little deeper into our relationships. Let’s take a step back and evaluate the things in our relationships that are good and the things in our relationships that aren’t so good. Keep in mind that many relationships have their ups and downs and a natural relationship will always have a combination (aka periods of time) of both healthy and unhealthy characteristics. But it’s important in any stage in a relationship to always readjust and communicate openly about the best things we appreciate and decide upon the things we want to change or grow on. So, this February, we encourage you to prioritize building your relationships with others, whether they are friendships, family, colleagues, partnerships, or marriages.
12 Elements of healthy relationships
Communication
Everyone involved in the relationship should be able, and allowed to, communicate their feelings, opinions, and/or beliefs. Figuring out the best ways to express these things together will help eliminate miscommunication and increase clarity in discussion.
Boundaries
Boundaries are physical, emotional, and mental limits or guidelines a person sets for themselves which others need to respect. Everyone in the relationship should feel comfortable in activities without having their boundaries disrespected.
Consent
Consent is uncoerced permission to interact with the body or the life of another person. Consent looks like asking about boundaries, actively listening to responses, and respecting these boundaries whether they are a yes or a no.
Trust
Trust lies in having confidence with and in one another, whether that looks like sharing vulnerable information, disclosing personal information, etc.
Honesty
Honesty is important for communication. Each person should have the opportunity to express their feelings and concerns with others.
Independence
Independence is the opportunity to have time for yourself within the relationship. This can look like designated space or time when you can be alone, doing different activities by yourself, etc.
Equality
Each person should have an equal say in what’s going on and an equal share in the responsibility of the relationship.
Support
Feeling supported results from having compassion and empathy for one another. Feeling proud of each other in your accomplishments, encouraging positive behaviours and endeavours, walking or talking through difficult times together, being a listening ear, comforting during difficulties or grief, celebrating the wins, etc. are all examples of supporting one another in positive ways.
Responsibility
Taking responsibility for your actions, not placing blame, apologizing, and recognizing your own inappropriate behaviours, are all examples of supporting responsibility in your relationships which builds trust and honesty with others.
Healthy Conflict
We often associate conflict with unhealthy relationships, but talking about issues or disagreements is normal. It is healthy to have things you don’t agree on or see eye to eye on, as long as you are continuously respecting and listening to the other individual’s perspective. Talking about disagreements in a safe, neutral environment, while honoring the other is a great way of recognizing that conflict can be managed in healthy ways. Remember, communicating your feelings with each other while being respectful and kind is a part of a healthy relationship.
Safety
Safety is the foundation of connection in a relationship. In order to set boundaries, communicate, and have fun together, everyone must feel safe. This begins with listening, honoring boundaries, communication, and trust.
Fun
In addition to all these components, you should be able to enjoy the time you spend with others. It is important that your relationships promote health and well-being rather diminish or degrade it.
SAVE THE DATE- Random Acts of Kindness Day
On February 17, 2023 it’s Random Acts of Kindness Day!
We’re all about kindness here at The Today Centre and encourage you to participate in passing along a little bit of kindness today, and every day. Plus, as a way to share the love, we’ll be a running a contest. You can enter to win a gift card to a select location (we’ll share it day of don’t worry!) by shining some light on those who’ve shown you kindness. Keep watch on our social media pages for more details day of because you won’t want to miss it!
Healthy, Unhealthy, & Abusive RElationships
We tend to categorize most relationships as either healthy or unhealthy, forgetting that there is actually a third category: abusive. Since many relationships will actually have a combination of healthy and unhealthy characteristics it is important to consider when behaviours, patterns, and characteristics of a relationship are actually abusive. Beyond unhealthy characteristics, which are often traits we can change, fix, or discuss in a relationship with a little work, abusive characteristics follow the lines of abuse. They are patterns of behaviour that are meant to control a person and exert power over them. They are often things that won’t change and consistently follow the cycle of abuse, with periods of ‘apology’, promises of change, and repetition of abuse.
Take a look at few of these aspects in a relationship and what they could/should look like in healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships:
Sharing Feels
Healthy Relationship: You feel safe and strong enough to tell your partner how you really feel.
Unhealthy Relationship: You feel awkward telling your partner how you really feel.
Abusive Relationship: You are afraid to tell your partner how you really feel because you fear getting put down or threatened.
Intimacy and sex
Healthy Relationship: Both of you can be honest about your feelings on physical affection and sex. Neither of you feels pressured to do anything you do not want to do.
Unhealthy Relationship: You are embarrassed to say how you feel because you think your partner may not listen or care. You “go along” with some things.
Abusive Relationship: Your partner ignores your needs and wants. Your partner pushes you into situations that make you uncomfortable, frighten, or degrade you.
Time Alone
Healthy Relationship: You can spend time alone and consider this a healthy part of your relationship.
Unhealthy Relationship: You think there may be something wrong if you want to do things without your partner. Your partner tries to keep you to themself.
Abusive Relationship: Your partner does not allow you to spend time doing things on your own. Your partner see this as a challenge or thereat to your relationship.
Violence
Healthy Relationship: You and your partner take care not to speak harsh words or make mean comments. There is no physical violence in your relationship.
Unhealthy Relationship: There have been a few incidents of emotional abuse or controlling behaviour in your relationship. There is no pattern of abuse or violence.
Abusive Relationship: There is a pattern of increasing, ongoing abuse in your relationship: emotional, physical, sexual, and/or intimidation.
Source: Government of Alberta “What is a healthy relationship?”
How healthy is my relationship?
The following are two lists, one of healthy relationship characteristics and one of unhealthy characteristics. Many relationships have a combination of both. The point of this exercise is to figure out what things in your relationship are healthy or unhealthy, so you can gain an appreciation for the best things and decide what you want to change. Look at both lists and check off mentally every statement that is true about your relationship.
Is it unhealthy?
Gets extremely jealous and makes accusations
Puts the other down by calling names, cursing, or making the other feel bad about themselves
Yell at each other
Doesn’t listen when the other talks
Frequently criticizes connections
Embarrasses or humiliates the other
Smashes, throws, or destroys things
Goes back on promises
Makes all the decisions about what the two of you do
Acts controlling or possessive
Depends completely on the other to meet social or emotional needs
Cheats or threatens to cheat
Has ever physically harmed the other
Is it healthy?
Have fun together more often than not
Each of you has an equal say in financial matters
Are proud to be with each other
Encourage each other’s interests
Have some privacy and respected each other’s
Communicate about sex- if you relationship is sexual
Allow each other space when they need it
Respect each other’s opinion, even when they are different
Solve conflicts without putting each other down, cursing, or making threats
Both apologize when wrong
Both accept responsibility for their actions
Always feel safe with each other
Are faithful to each other if you have made this commitment